Son of a Mercenary: The Reboot
by Mr. Alaska
Summary: Deadpool finds himself in the village of Konoha while on a personal mission of self-fulfillment. While there, he saves a 7-year old Naruto Uzumaki from an angry mob. But instead of simply leaving, what if Deadpool decides to stick around and look after the boy? What possible mayhem could that one decision lead to? A reboot of my first story, Son of a Mercenary. Hope you enjoy. R&R
1. The Chance Encounter

Author's Notes: Well, here we are everyone. Back to where it all began. I couldn't wait. I'm sorry. Truly I am. I didn't expect so much feedback in such a short amount of time. You all asked for it, so I'm going to make it so. This is where all the magic began, all those years ago. My very first story, and the very first crossover story between Deadpool and Naruto, something I am most proud to say was created by my own hands. It has been nearly SEVEN years now. Amazing, I know. And it is one of my most popular stories, too. But, as much as it's been praised, I feel you all deserve better than the frantic writings of a 15-year old Mr. Alaska, don't you? Now after seven years worth of improvement, I feel I should do my first creation justice and give it a COMPLETE reboot. Not to mention fixing all the unnecessary stuff in there, like all the needless bashing of Sasuke and Sakura. **(Honestly, bashing those two was just a thing in stories when I began. I just hopped on the band-wagon.)** So now, it will be done with integrity, as it should've been in the first place. I hope you all enjoy this version more than the first.

"Talking"

'Thinking'

 _'One Half of Deadpool's Brain'_

 **'Other Half of Deadpool's Brain'**

 **Chapter 1: The Chance Encounter**

It was a seemingly quiet summer night in the village of Konoha. The sun had just barely sunk underneath the horizon when all of the street lights went on, illuminating the empty dirt roads below. The air was cool with a gentle breeze sweeping through the trees, accompanied by the sound of chirping birds and grasshoppers. Without the hustle and bustle of countless villagers cluttering the streets, all that was left was the calming sound of nature.

…. That was, until the sound of a panicky seven-year old Naruto Uzumaki broke the tranquil silence.

Covered in dirt, bruises and cuts, the poor boy ducked into a nearby alleyway and hid behind a garbage can. His ocean-blue eyes were glossed over with terrified tears as he bit down on his bottom lip, his whole body trembling. 'Why are they after me? I didn't do anything wrong,' the boy thought, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his head against his knees. It was at that time the sounds of multiple footsteps drew closer, belonging to a group of ten angry looking villagers. 'I don't even know them,' Naruto continued, cautiously looking from behind his hiding place to catch a glance at the men chasing him, who had stopped at the end of the alleyway, wondering where their victim had ran off to. 'All I asked was if any of them had anything I could eat. That's all…'

Naruto Uzumaki continued to bite down on his bottom lip, in an attempt to keep himself from crying. Clad in nothing but a dirty gray t-shirt, tattered shorts and sandals, Naruto sat against the bin, wondering why everyone hated him so much. It had been nearly two weeks since he had been kicked out of the orphanage. And in that time, Naruto had been chased off by angry villagers dozens of times, for reasons unknown to the orphan. All the adults looked down on him in either anger or disgust, and discouraged the other children from playing with him. Mere minutes before, all he did was ask a man for some food because he hadn't eaten in an entire day. And now? He was on being chased, once again, by a group of strangers who absolutely hated him for reasons the boy could not understand.

All he knew for sure was that he had heard people call him "Demon Child" more then a handful of times.

 _Was he a demon?_

Unfortunately, right before the men were about continue onward, the boy leaned against the garbage can too hard. Without warning, it came tumbling forward and crashed against the ground, trash spraying everywhere. "There he is," shouted one of the men, pointing a finger at the startled Naruto. "In the alley! Don't let him get away!"

 **(Meanwhile)**

Some blocks away a slender yet muscular man clad in a sleek red and black spandex costume made his way towards the center of Konoha, with a hand in his pocket and the other carrying a large gym-bag, the rubbery material of his odd attire squeaking ever so slightly as he did so. "… I'm not gonna lie… I'm having one _SERIOUS_ case of deja vu right now," Deadpool mumbled to himself, scratching the back of his neck. The man looked back and forth, feeling a little uneasy. "I haven't been here before, have I? You'd think I'd remember a village full of fucking ninjas after all, right?"

 _'I still can't believe those guards actually bought that half-ass story,'_ a voice in his head brought up casually, bringing a smug grin to the mercenary's face.

 **'I know, right? What a couple of tools,'** another voice laughed.

"Hehehe. Yeah, that was pretty clever on my end," Deadpool chuckled, putting his hand back in his pocket, twirling his large bag around his other arm. "I told you guys I'm good when put on the spot, haven't I? One of my most noticeable qualities."

 _'I'm pretty sure your healing factor and mental instability are your most noticeable qualities.'_

 **'And being completely un-fuckable! Don't forget that one!'**

 _'Not to mention your immaturity, lazy sense of humor, poor hy-!'_

"Hey! C'mon now," Deadpool growled. "I said ONE of my noticeable qualities, didn't I? Jeez." Having completely forgotten about the feeling of deja vu, Deadpool continued to make his way down the empty street. "Anyway, if I understood that fortune cookie correctly," he continued, pulling out a crumpled up strip of paper, "all we have to do is _"Look beyond what we see to find what we are looking for."_ Which _iiiiiiis_?"

 _'… Boobies.. '_

 **'BOOBIES!'**

"That's right," Deadpool confirmed, finally tossing the paper over his shoulder. "Boobies. Boobies that would be willing to allow us to motorboat them, despite looking like the inside of an asshole. It is a simple dream, but it is OUR dream, dammit! And with the help of wise Chinese fortune cookie, we shall achieve that dream!"

 _'Fortune cookies were invented in San Francisco, you dumbass.'_

 **'Wow! Hold the phone, really?'**

 _'Indeed.'_

 **'No. Seriously. San Francisco?'**

 _'Yup. Look it up. San Francisco…. But on an unrelated note, we need work. Going on this quest for cleavage wasn't exactly cheap, you know?'_

 **'Yeah, we haven't killed anyone in a while. What's up with that? Money good!'**

 _'… Indeed.. Money is in fact good.'_

 **'That's what I just said.'**

 _'I was just-!'_

"Okay guys seriously, shut the fuck up. I think I see someone coming this way to further the plot," Deadpool interrupted, squinting into the distance. "Also it felt like that was just chapter filler, anyway." Looking down the street, Deadpool arched an eyebrow when he saw what looked like a bunch of grown men chasing after a child. A hurt child, at that. "What the fuck? Are you guys seeing this too, or am I just crazy?"

 _'To be fair, we're crazy either way. But yeah, we see it too.'_

As Deadpool continued to walk towards them at an even pace, his eyes narrowed. But when they got within a few yards of him, he stopped and allowed them to come at him the rest of the way. The boy, who was more than a few paces ahead of his attackers, immediately got behind Deadpool and hid behind his legs, trembling. Deadpool looked down at him with a blank expression. "…. Umm… 'Sup?"

Naruto looked back up at him with pleading, tear-filled eyes. "Please help," the boy spoke, using a cracky and unnerved voice, clenching at Wade's leg as if his life depended on it… Which, to the orphan, very well might've been the case. "Th-they're trying t-to hurt me. B-but I didn't do anything wrong! I promise!"

Deadpool looked down at the frightened boy clenching at his calves before looking back at the men as they came to a stop about ten feet away, most brandishing thick sticks and rocks, with one even carrying an actual sword. Looking back down at the boy, he took a second to see just how hurt Naruto was. Scrapes on his knees and elbows along with cuts and bruises on his arm and legs. There was a good sized gash just underneath his left eye, a small stream of blood trickling from it. On his right cheek, there was a bruise that distinctly looked to belong to the back of a hand, with the impression of a wedding ring visible in the center.

As the boy continued to tremble, Wade let out a low groan, before flexing his neck back and forth. "Well, I guess we're doing this then," he sighed, dropping his gym-bag off to the side.

 **'Oooooh! Does this mean shit is about to go down?'**

 _'Of course. He does have a soft spot for children, remember?'_

 **'Like the time he refused to kill kid Apocalypse?'**

 _'Precisely.'_

 **'Daaaaaaw. You big softy.'**

Ignoring the voices, Deadpool took a deep breath and gave the men across from him a tired look. He had a feeling he was going to have to play the hero, something he usually tried to avoid. It had rarely EVER paid off, and usually ended up biting him in the ass later on down the road. Not only that, but it seemed as if it was going to be for FREE, something else he wasn't all too fond of. But, this problem fell directly in his lap this go around, so simply ignoring it wasn't really an option.

 _Plus... Seriously? Ganging up on a kid? These guys were practically ASKING to get their teeth kicked in._

Crossing his arms across his chest, Deadpool's tired look turned into a stern frown as the men across from him continued to glare dangerously at the boy cowering behind him. "So, care to explain why I shouldn't make all your faces resemble famous Picasso paintings? Because to be honest, I'm kinda getting the urge to make some masterpieces, if you catch my meaning." He followed up by cracking his knuckles. "You get three strikes…"

 **'… Cracking your knuckles? Real original, pal.'**

 _'You DO know we are a Deathstroke knock-off, right?'_

 **'We ARE?! Ah shit!'**

 _'Indeed, as much as it saddens me.'_

"Shut up guys, I'm kinda doing a thing right now," Deadpool whispered out the side of his mouth, shoving both hands into his pockets. When it was made clear that the anti-hero wasn't going to step aside, the harsh looks that were being sent at Naruto were re-directed at him.

"Its none of your damn business, ya freak," one of the men growled, raising a middle finger at the mercenary.

 _'Strike one…'_

"Yeah, this doesn't concern you," another added. "The brat's got this coming to him, so hand him over."

 **'Strike two!'**

"Oh, on the contrary," Deadpool disagreed, wagging a finger back and forth at the men before him. "Ya see, I may not be the nicest guy around… In fact, I'm almost entirely positive that everyone I know wants me dead. But I've only been in this over-glorified bonsai garden for a couple minutes now, and what do I find? A bunch of assholes trying to curb stomp a kid, that's what. So yes, I would say this concerns me to quite an extent." With this, Deadpool reached behind and pulled out one of the swords attached to his back before wiggling his eyebrows. "So, either fill me in on why you want this brat dead or I'm going to go all Pablo on your asses."

"…" There was a moment of silence. Deadpool watched as the men all exchanged nervous looks from one another. He heard them whispering something amongst themselves, hearing the word "demon" specifically spoken amidst the murmurs. The mercenary glanced back down at Naruto, who still held fast his leg, eyes clenched shut and biting his bottom lip. "As we said," the man with the sword spoke, sounding stern. "This matter doesn't concern the likes of you, so just-!"

 **'Aaaaand strike three!'**

"Oh thank God," Deadpool interrupted, sounding quite relieved and walking forward, breaking free of the boy's grip. "I was afraid I wouldn't get to completely wreck your guys' shit for a second there. But, seeing as how you are going out of your way to NOT answer my question, I won't have to feel bad about what I'm about to do to you."

When Deadpool drop into a stance, sword at the ready, all the men took in a sharp intake of air and took a step backwards. Seeing the mercenary's actions, the villager with the sword took a hard gulp and narrowed his eyes at Deadpool, even though his face was now drenched with a nervous sweat. A gentle breeze swept over them as the stand-off continued, with the men looking nervously at one another. But suddenly, Deadpool took a step forward, resulting in all men save for the one with the sword to step back.

"Time to make some art, boys," Deadpool said harshly, taking yet another step forward and tightening his grip.

But, almost immediately after Deadpool made his move, a sudden loud and furious sounding voice broke the tension of the fight that was about to unfold. "What is the meaning of this?" Stopping dead in his tracks, Deadpool and the men turned their attention to the top of a nearby building. Perched atop the rooftop stood an elderly man, clad in a large red and white robe, with a seething look plastered on his winkled face. Behind him stood five mysterious figures, all wearing the same gray armor and various kabuki-like animal masks.

"Sarutobi-jiichan!" As the old man and the men following him leapt from the building top to the ground below, Deadpool look back at the men who were after Naruto. To his confusion, all ten men all shared the same look of utter terror and immediately dropped to their knees, faces pressed against the ground.

"S-Sarutobi-sama!" Wade was about to say something when he heard the overjoyed voice of the boy behind him, immediately followed by said boy rushing past him and running up to the old man, embracing him. "Y-you're here!"

"Naruto-kun," the old man spoke softly, kneeling down to return the hug. Deadpool noted that the old man in question had an odd expression of utter confusion and relief. "What happened to you? Why are you hurt? Why aren't you at the orphanage?" Naruto didn't answer immediately. Too shaken up by the events taking place, the only thing the poor boy could do was bury his face into Sarutobi's chest, sniffling and trembling terribly. When it was clear he wasn't going to get an answer from the boy, he turned to Deadpool and the rest of the men.

"Explain," he demanded. "What is going on here?"

Seeing as how he wasn't going to have any fun, Deadpool sighed and slid his sword back into its sheath. "Not entirely sure, _Mr. Miyagi_ ," Deadpool replied, folding his arms across his chest and sending the attackers a suspicious raised eyebrow. "I was just minding my own business when I came across these cock-gobblers here trying to go all Purge on the brat there. They wanted me to hand him over, but, ya know, that wasn't happening. Something about the kid having it coming to him or whatever. They were pretty vague about it."

After hearing this, Sarutobi turned to the ten men in question, who had yet to look up from the ground. Seething, the old man turned to armored ninjas behind him. "Take them to Ibiki-sama immediately," he growled, snapping his fingers. "The cuts and bruises are all the proof I need. I'm sure he'll find a proper punishment for them." Simultaneously, all the Anbu bowed their heads. Before anyone knew it, they all disappeared in separate puffs of smoke. Seconds later, they reappeared behind the attackers and effortlessly struck everyone of them in the neck, rendering them motionless.

As the Anbu each threw two men over their shoulders and disappeared once again, Sarutobi looked back down at Naruto. "Naruto-kun… What happened? Why aren't you at the orphanage?"

Regaining a small amount of composure, the boy looked up at the Hokage with bloodshot, tear-filled eyes. "Th-they k-kicked me out t-two weeks ago," Naruto began, wiping the tears from his eyes. Sarutobi's body stiffened at this news. He had regularly visited the orphanage, mainly to check up on the late Fourth Hokage's son. However, he has been preoccupied with work lately, resulting in him not visiting in the previous three weeks. "I-I was hungry," Naruto continued, looking straight at the ground to avoid direct eye contact. "I haven't eaten anything in a day. I asked those men if they h-had something I could eat…. B-but they just started shouting at me. When I ran, they all started chasing after me."

Sarutobi let out a tired, yet irritated groan. 'I can't believe I allowed this to happen,' he thought mournfully, placing a gentle hand on Naruto's spiky yellow head. It was no secret that the village still haven't recovered from the incident seven years prior. So many had lost their lives trying to defend the village from Nine-Tails. However, regardless of what the demon had done, it was wrong to punish the boy for something he himself had no control of. 'Why can't they see that? Minato and Kushina sacrificed themselves to seal away the monster inside their own son, sparing the whole village. And this is how they repay the sacrifice they made? By turning their son into an outcast?'

"B-but that man saved me," Naruto added, pointing a shaking finger at Deadpool, who was in the process of scratching his backside. "He was gonna fight them."

"Yes, I saw that," Sarutobi said, a faint smile forming on his face. The old man then sent the smile at Deadpool, who stared back at him with a blank expression. "And for that, I am very grateful." Standing back up and with Naruto at his side, the two walked up to the mercenary, who simply continued to scratch himself. "My name is Hiruzen Sarutobi," he began, extending a friendly hand out to Wade. "I am the leader of this village."

"…. Deadpool," replied a hesitant Wade, before shaking Sarutobi's hand with the hand he used to scratch himself with. The old man didn't seem to mind, however. Though when his name caused the Hokage to give him a skeptical look, the mercenary rolled his eyes. "Wade Wilson," he corrected. "Deadpool is just my stage-name."

The Hokage gave Wade a nod of his head. "Well Wilson-san, is it safe to assume that you aren't from around here?" Sarutobi took a step back and started to scan up and down Deadpool's body, taking in the man's odd clothing.

 **'... Is it just me, or is this old guy checking us out?'**

 _'He just looking at our costume, you imbecile… Albeit we do look good.'_

 **'Yeah, those Shake Weights did wonders, didn't they? Everyone wants a piece of these +1 biceps!'**

 _'Indeed.'_

 **'But what is with this Wilson-SAN shit?'**

 _'It's an honorific, you uncultured swine.'_

"Yeah, you can say that," Wade replied, ignoring the voices in his head. "I was just passing through, looking for work. That's when I came across Whiskers here, about to be turned into road pizza." He motioned his head at Naruto.

"Work?" Sarutobi raised an eyebrow. "Of what variety?"

 **'What? He doesn't know who we are? The NERVE!'**

 _'We're in a different universe, you idiot. We aren't even from the same genre. Of course he doesn't know who we are.'_

 **'THAT'S NO EXCUSE!'**

'Really? Because that actually sounds like a pretty good excuse,' Deadpool joined in.

"I'm a mercenary," Wade clarified, reaching down and picking his gym-bag back up, before slinging it over one shoulder. "Assassinations. Escorts. Body-guarding. Covert-Ops. Sabotage. Stand-up comedian for birthday parties _AND_ Bar Mitzvahs…" Sarutobi gave him a confused eyebrow raise. "What can I say? I try to be a Jack of all trades," Wade shrugged, hunching his shoulders defensively. "But since you're in charge of this place, I suppose you'd be the guy to ask. You think you'd be interested in my serv-!"

 _'Behind us…'_

 **'SWORD!'**

'Wha?'

"Die, you bastard," came a loud, savage cry.

It happened so fast. As if on instinct, Deadpool suddenly bent forward and nimbly dodged a swing from a katana sword. To everyone's surprise, the assailant was none other then one of the men from before, the one brandishing the sword. Placing both hands on the ground, Wade brought his legs in before pushing off with his arms, delivering two strong kicks to his attacker's chest.

"So I **DO** have Deadpool-senses," Wade laughed as he bounced back onto his feet, his attacker staggering backwards and trying to catch his breath. "You assholes just weren't helping me!"

 **'Our bad.'**

 _'We just thought you didn't want that same handicap Spider-Man has, you know? Don't want you relying on us, now do we?'_

"Good point," Deadpool sighed, pulling out one of his swords. "Still, it wouldn't hurt if you two started pulling your own weight for once."

 _'Noted.'_

 **'Hear ya loud and clear, bossman.'**

The Hokage immediately stepped in front of Naruto, a kunai knife sliding from his sleeves into both hands. 'How did he manage to escape my Anbu?" Sarutobi thought, eyeing the assailant with murderous intent. 'Not only that, but I didn't even hear him approach us… I must be getting rusty in my old age…'

"You damn demon-loving freak," the villager cursed, his whole body trembling with anger and glaring daggers at Deadpool. "It's your fault he still lives!" The man, literally frothing at the mouth with rage, charged at Deadpool once again.

"I got this," Deadpool called back to Sarutobi. "Consider this a free demo!"

 **'Demon? Is he talking about Shiklah?'**

 _'Doubtful. We broke it off with her a while back, remember? Too possessive. I think he's referring to the boy.'_

"My money is on the boy," Deadpool mumbled, sidestepping swing after swing of his attacker's sword. "Call it a hunch… Plus I've seen a lot of anime."

 **'This place is fun! Demon children, ninjas and sword-fighting! WOOHOO!'**

' _Verily. A virtual treasure-trove of everything Deadpool.'_

"It's no Marvel," Deadpool pointed out, blocking another sword swing before following up with a head-butt, sending the man stumbling backwards, nursing a bloody and possibly broken nose. "But it has me interested, I'll give it that much."

It was at that point four of the five Anbu from before arrived at the scene. "There he is," one of them shouted, pulling out a shuriken and taking aim. "You won't get away again, scumbag!" The Anbu then sent the shuriken soaring towards the villager.

 _'I think they're going to steal our thunder.'_

 **'NOOOOO!'**

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Reaching out and grabbing the villager by the collar of his shirt, Deadpool pulled back and sent the man tumbling past him and out of the way of the thrown shuriken. "Silly rabbit, Trix are f-!"

 **SHINK!**

However, in doing so, the shuriken continued on it's course and ended up getting lodged right in between Wade's eyes.

"…"

There was a long awkward silence after seeing the unexpected display. Sarutobi, Naruto, all the Anbu and even the attacking villager stared in disbelief, not fully registering what had just happened. No one moved a muscle or said a word. Deadpool himself, immediately after being struck by the shuriken, became stiff and motionless, his sword slowly dropping from his hand. Everyone watched as the mercenary stood there, his head craned back with the shuriken buried an entire blade's length into his skull, without collapsing.

Until…

"Aha! That'll teach you to try and steal my kill, ya vultures!" To everyone's amazement, Deadpool proceeded to laugh hysterically before he reached up and yanked the throwing star from his skull, blood spurting out from the now opened wound. Tossing the projectile to the ground, he turned to his attacker with a smug look. "And you see that? THAT'S why I always wear red," he chuckled, before reaching to his holster and pulling out a Smith & Wesson .44 Magnum Revolver, taking aim at the villager's head. "Call me X, because I'm gonna give it to ya."

"Wh-what?"

 **BANG!**

With a thunderous bang that echoed throughout Konoha, the top half of the attacker's head was blown clear off, with blood, brain matter and skull fragments splattering across the ground. Twirling the .44 Magnum around his finger, he turned to the speechless Sarutobi with a sly grin before sliding the firearm back into its holster. "So, as far as first impressions go, how was that?"

 _ **'NAILED IT!'**_

 _'... Pretty sure we traumatized the kid, though...'_

To Be Continued….

And there we have it. The first chapter redone. The first of many, I assure you. To be honest, it was refreshing writing this. A nice dose a nostalgia, you know? But as you can see, this is going to be FAR more in depth than the first attempt. It'll be more thought out. More explanation. Not as sloppy or hastily written. And, as I'm sure you can already tell, longer! As promised, I'm actually going to show a little integrity and try and give you all the story you deserved in the beginning. What did you think of Deadpool and his friends? If you played the game, I'm sure you'd get what it would sound like. And who all got the awesome references? I hope you liked the chapter, and hope to hear what you all think. :D


	2. First Impressions

Author's Notes: Wow… Just wow. I have to say, the amount of feedback from both the poll AND the chapter was staggering, to say the least. 52 reviews and 185 followers strong, and it's only the FIRST chapter! Damn! It makes me so happy to see such a strong support for a desperately needed reboot, especially for one of my favorite stories. But again, thank you ll SOOOO much for all the feedback, and hope for the same in all the chapters to come. I will try to post updates regularly, but I also have my other stories to attend with…. BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP LIKE I DID THREE YEARS AGO! I MADE THAT DECISION WHEN I MADE MY ANNOUNCEMENT TO RETURN TO FANFICTION! SO DON'T FRET!

Now, lets keep this crazy train a'rolling!

 **Chapter 2: First Impressions**

It was an hour after the _'incident'_ in the village and now Deadpool found himself in the office of the Hokage, with a Anbu guard on either side of him whilst the old man continued to rummage through a stack of papers with a tired, solemn look on his face.

And finally, in a chair next to the old man slept Naruto, using Sarutobi's cloak as a make-shift blanket.

Wade looked back at the Anbu standing behind him. They both stood there straight as a post, hands behind their backs and staring forward, barely moving so much as a muscle. He turned back to Sarutobi, who was still looking through stacks upon stacks of loose papers, his pipe dangling lazily from the edge of his lips.

Seeing as how the old man was clearly in deep thought about something, Deadpool decided to take a quick look around the office. 'So, this is what it feels like to be in an anime, huh? Only been here for an hour and I've already gotten into a sword fight and killed a man.' A smirk slowly formed as he arched an eyebrow approvingly. 'I think I'm going to like it here,' Deadpool thought happily.

 _'Hey Wade, look up there.'_

'Huh?'

 **'On the wall, over the old man.'**

Doing as he was told, Wade looked up onto the wall behind Sarutobi, who was still looking over the paperwork before him. Over top the window, there were four picture frames displaying photos of four different men. 'Hmmmmm,' Deadpool thought, leaning forward ever so slightly, inspecting the photographs.

The first one was of a tan skinned man with long black hair and dark eyes. He had on deep crimson red armor with a black shirt underneath. Underneath the frame was a name. _Hashirama Senju, First Hokage._

Next to him was a picture of another man. The man had pale skin, spiky white hair and deep red eyes. There was a light red mark underneath each eye, with another going up his chin to below his bottom lip. He wore blue armor, with puffy white fur on each shoulder. The name underneath read _Tobirama Senju, Second Hokage._

 _'Brothers, it seems.'_

 **'But they look nothing alike. Weird.'**

Ignoring the voices, Deadpool turned to the third picture. This one was of a young man, with spiky brown hair that was brushed back. He had light brown eyes and a little black mark spiking off from the edge of each eye, along with a small, bushy brown goatee. The name underneath the photo was _Hiruzen Sarutobi, Third Hokage._

'Damn, he looked pretty sharp in his prime… No homo,' Deadpool added, ignoring the snickering from one of his voices. 'But seriously, I guess this guy was the better of the three, seeing as how he's still kicking it as big cheese at THIS age. Must be a tough cookie if the old geezer hasn't been put out to pasture.'

 _'Don't even think about it, Wade.'_

 **'BITCH, WE DO WHAT WE WANT!'**

'Amen,' Deadpool agreed. However, when Wade turned to the fourth photo, he raised an eyebrow. The man in the fourth frame had wild and spiky blond hair, going halfway down his neck. He had light skin and piercing ocean blue eyes. He wore a white trench-coat with the collar popped up and had on a blue headband with the symbol of Konohagakure engraved on it. The name underneath?

 _Minato Namikaze, Fourth Hokage._

'… Oh gee. Is it just me, or have I seen that face before…. Recently…. When some guy was trying to kill him?' Deadpool thought sarcastically.

 **'Oh! I know this one! I know this one!'**

 _'Of course you do, imbecile. So does he. It was a rhetorical question. Obviously the boy we save is that man's son or what have you.'_

 **'HEY! NO HINTS!'**

 _'…. Dumb-ass….'_

"So what did you think of the performance, old man?" Deadpool finally spoke up. Sarutobi looked up at Wade who folded his arms behind his head and leaned back in his chair, propping both feet on the table as he did so. "Be honest with me. You're impressed, aren't ya? Awe struck? Blown away? Bewildered?" As the masked man continued on smugly, Sarutobi simply continued to give him an unreadable stare. "C'mon. Give it to me straight, doc. 1 out of 10, when did you think? If you had to choose one word to describe me, which would it be? Amazing, or spectacular?"

 _'Amazing and Spectacular are more Spider-Man's thing. We fall more underneath 'deranged' and 'unreliable' than anything else.'_

'Yeah, but HE doesn't know that,' Deadpool argued mentally, shooting the old shinobi two thumbs up. 'And we need money, so hush!'

Sarutobi took a second to take a few puffs from his pipe before he responded. "… To be completely frank with you Wilson-san, I'm not entirely sure _what_ to say about what I just saw," he answered evenly, taking off his hat and setting it on his desk. "I was actually hoping you'd be so kind as to answer some questions. Because for the life of me, I can't seem to deduce the answers myself."

"Oh sure, completely understandable," Deadpool agreed, leaning even further back in his chair. At that point, he was leaning far enough back he was looking straight up at the two guards behind him. "Love the masks, by the way," he whispered, causing both men to look down at him momentarily before snapping back forward. "Daaaaaaw. Was it something I said?" Deadpool looked at Sarutobi, who just stared at him in confusion. "Aren't the most sociable guys, are they?"

"…. Indeed," Sarutobi said, sounding somewhat uneasy. "Anbu are amongst the most elite rank a shinobi can reach," he specified. "They are trained to be the most disciplined and ever vigilant." The Hokage cleared his through. "But I feel we're getting off topic. Why don't we-!"

 _'Oh for the love of God, no. Please don't do it, Wade.'_

 **'He's gonna do it! He's gonna do it!'**

"Most disciplined, eh? We'll see about that." Before the old man could finish, Deadpool abruptly shot up from his chair and turned to the two men behind him, hands on his hips. Sarutobi watched as the anti-hero looked from one man to the other with a stern eyebrow raised. "Did you boys know diarrhea is hereditary?" Both men looked at each other, before shaking their heads. "Yeah, because it runs in your JEANS!" There was a moment of silence as the horrible joke began to set it. But after a few seconds and getting NO response from either man, Deadpool narrowed his eyes. "Hmmm… How about this one? I stood there wondering why the baseball was getting bigger, until finally it hit me." Again, no reaction. "Fine. You should never eat sea-food before going dancing. Why? Because you might pull a MUSSEL!"

Finally, one of the men stifled a chuckle before immediately being elbowed by the one next to him.

 **'HAHAHAHA! Classic.'**

 _'Puns should be considered a crime against humanity…'_

Scratching the back of his neck, Sarutobi could help but grin faintly, finding the sudden display somewhat humorous. "You're quite the character, Wilson-san," he stated, setting his pipe to the side.

"Marvel, to be exact," he quipped, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. The Hokage raised an eyebrow back at him. "Forget about it. Please continue," he assured dully.

 **'Should we tell him?'**

'Nah, let's see how this plays out first,' Deadpool thought.

Clearing his throat again, Sarutobi sat back in his chair, his hands in his lap. "Like I said before, I have some questions that I would like you to answer for me. After that _incident_ with the shuriken, it is apparent you aren't exactly what most would call normal. That would've killed any other person, but you instead laughed it off and proceeded to dispense with the attacker as if nothing had happened." Sarutobi started to stroke his goatee, perplexed. "I'm curious as to why that is."

"Oh that? It's nothing. I'm just unable to die is all," the mercenary answered simply. Seconds passed by as the Hokage and both Anbu eyed Deadpool, wanting him to continue. Looking round, he caught on and sighed. "Want the full story? Because the FULL story isn't exactly short."

"I got nowhere to be but here," Sarutobi assured warmly, slouching back in his chair. "Plus, if you really are looking for work, I would feel more comfortable assigning it to someone I at least have a vague understanding of. Is that so wrong?"

"…." There was a long pause on Wade's end. Scratching his chin, he narrowed his eyes and smiled. "I suppose not," he answered evenly, sitting forward and folding his arms across his chest. "But in return, you got to answer a question of my own. I'm getting a weird vide off this place, but you seem to be an honest enough guy."

"But of course, Wilson-san," Sarutobi assured, raising his hands defensively. "If you are honest with me about you and your intensions, I will show you the same courtesy." The village leader grinned warmly at the mercenary and leaned back in his chair. "You've already proven you were willing to protect Naruto-kun, something I am quite grateful for. That alone speaks volumes about your character. I simply wish to become more familiar with a possible friend."

"…." Once again, an awkward silence befell the Hokage's office. As Sarutobi continued to smile and stroke his goatee, Deadpool sat in silence, reading the old man's expression as genuine. 'Friends, huh?'

 _'Been a while since we had one of those.'_

 **'What about Wolverine?'**

 _'Hates our guts.'_

 **'Bob?'**

 _'What ABOUT Bob?'_

 **'Far point. Cable?'**

 _'He tolerates us, at best.'_

Finally, Deadpool let out a sigh and slumped back into his chair. Reaching up, he slowly started to remove his mask. As it came off Sarutobi's smile faltered, being completely caught off guard by the condition of Wade's skin. It was horrifically scarred. Chunks of skin also seem to be missing, revealing the bare muscles underneath where the skin would be. As the mask came completely off, it was also revealed that not only was not bleeding from the wound he received from the shuriken, but that the wound itself was now nonexistent.

However, whilst Sarutobi kept his composure, the two Anbu standing behind Deadpool weren't quite as ready for what they saw. When Wade removed his mask, the Anbu in the wolf mask took in a sharp and audible intake of air, while the one in the bear mask took a hesitant step back.

"Pretty, aren't I?" Deadpool chuckled, tossing his mask over his back. And, almost like as if his mask was the bubonic plague, both Anbu hastily took a step to the side, the discarded article of clothing flopping on the ground. "Yup, turns out immortality has it's drawbacks."

"…. Very interesting," were the first words to come out of Sarutobi's mouth. Leaning across his desk the elderly man placed two fingers on his Wade's forehead, feeling the area where the shuriken struck. "There's not so much as a scratch. Simply amazing." It was now Deadpool's time to be taken aback. In all his time as being Deadpool, no one, other than Shiklah, HADN'T been freaked out or downright disgusted by his appearance. "Where you always like this?"

 **'Aaaawkward.'**

 _'Quite.'_

It was weird for Wade to say the least. He was at least expecting the old man to be a LITTLE hesitant about him. But, instead, the village leader was far more astonished by the fact that he healed from such a wound, rather then focusing on his outward appearance… Or his obvious unstable demeanor…

 **(One Origin Story Later)**

"And after that, I dawned this fabulous red and black spandex and became the Spectacular Deadpool," Wade finished, with an overpowering theatric tone of voice. He was now standing, his foot on the chair he WAS sitting in, with a hand over his heart and a fist raised high. Before him sat not just Sarutobi, but also stood the two Anbu guards, all three taking in the story they were being sold. "The Merc with the Mouth. The Regenerating Degenerate," Deadpool continued, putting his fists on his hips and puffing out his chest. " With my now nearly indestructible body, there is no task too demanding. No challenge I can't overcome. The very mention of my name strikes fear into the hearts of the most notorious and ruthless criminals where I'm from."

 _'I think you're laying it on a little too thick, Shakespeare. Reel it in a little, won't you?'_

 **'Shut up! I wanna hear this! Keep going!'**

Deadpool folded his arms across his chest. "I've done it all. From simple escorting missions to facing down entire armies, with nothing but my swords and sheer determination," he continued, still using his _heroic_ voice. "You need a tyrannical dictator out of the picture? I'm your man. Your family being targeted by thugs? I make them go away. Dangerous criminal at large? I'm…. Well, you get the gist of it, right?" Sarutobi nodded, with an somewhat amused look about him. While ever silent, the two Anbu exchanged glances at one another. "So yeah, I'm pretty much an un-killable soldier of fortune. As long as the coin is good and the job is on the level, I'm the guy for the job."

As the anti-hero took his seat yet again, Sarutobi grinned faintly and continued to stroke his goatee. "I must say, that was quite the tale indeed. Sounds to me you've had an interesting life." Sarutobi leaned back in his chair before grabbing his pipe once again. As he took a drag, the old man let out a low hum. "I can't even begin to imagine the hardships you've had to endure till this point."

Wade let out a sigh. "You have no idea. I'm not even going to tell you about the experiments. I still have nightmares from time to time." Wade than began to ruffle through one of his pouches. "Most messed up part is that I don't even remember half the stuff they did to me, or parts of my earlier life for that matter." Deadpool pulled out a cigar and a box of matches. But, as Wade put the cigar between his lips, a smile crossed his face. "At least I don't need health insurance anymore, right? No more doctors for this guy."

Deadpool chuckled as he struck the match and lit the cigar. Sarutobi nodded. "It would appear that way," he agreed, scratching his chin. After that there was a moment where no one said anything. Deadpool sat in his chair making smoke rings, as Sarutobi found himself visually scanning the mercenary up and down again. "…. You said you were looking for work, correct?" Sarutobi asked, breaking the silence. Deadpool raised an eyebrow and nodded. "And you also stated you've worked as a bodyguard, yes?" Again, the mercenary nodded. "If so, then I may indeed have work for you."

 **'SCOOOOOOOORE!'**

 _'I can't believe you pulled this off….'_

"You have impeccable taste, old man," Wade chuckled, extending a hand to Sarutobi. The Hokage happily accepted it and shook the mercenary's hand, symbolically sealing the deal. "Now," Deadpool added, as he and Sarutobi continued to shake hands, "before we start talking details, I have a question for you, Sarutobi." The Hokage arched his eyebrows in curiosity. "Before you have me guarding Blondie Jr.," Deadpool said, motioning his eyes at Minato's photo, "I wanna know what is up with the kid."

The question was met with an eery silence.

Sarutobi, caught off guard by the serious question, instinctively tightened his grip on Wade's hand. The anti-hero watched as an uneasy look befell the Hokage's face as he looked down to one side as the two guards behind him stiffened their posture. Seeing their reaction, Deadpool released his grip on the old man's hand. "… I'm gonna go out on the limb and guess it involves a _demon_ of some sort…"

"….." Sarutobi hesitated to say anything at first. He looked down at the sleeping Naruto, his expression conveying a look of overwhelming sympathy. The old man let out a long, depressed sigh before turning back to the mercenary. However, his once sympathetic expression was now replaced with one of seriousness. "…. Wilson-san," Sarutobi began, his voice low and steady. "Before I answer your question, there is something I must make perfectly clear to you. I want you to understand that what I have to say must not under any circumstances be repeated outside these walls or outside my company and mine alone. Is that understood?"

Folding his arms across his chest and raising a suspicious eyebrow, Deadpool nodded his head. "… Must be serious…"

 **'$50 on the kid being a half demon.'**

'Ooooh! I'll take that bet!'

 _'… We just established Naruto was the son of that Minato guy, remember?'_

 **'Oh yeah. I forgot. Never mind.'**

'DAMNIT!'

Taking a deep breath, Sarutobi nodded his head. But before he continued, Sarutobi quietly got up from his chair and began to round the table. "This way, if you would," the old man whispered, gesturing for Deadpool to follow him. Deciding to play along, Deadpool merely rolled his eyes and did what was asked of him. He didn't have to walk far though, because Sarutobi only took the merc as far as the door to his office.

Stepping outside the Hokage's office and gently closing the door behind him, Sarutobi took a deep breath and turned to Deadpool. "Are you familiar with a creature known as the Nine-Tailed Fox? The Kyubi?"

Deadpool shook his head.

In retrospect, Sarutobi shouldn't have been surprised. "It is one of the great Tailed Beasts," he answered, cupping his hands together behind his back. "Colossal demons of unimaginable destructive power that plagued all of the nations of the shinobi. Demons so powerful, only the most skilled and powerful shinobi could even HOPE to combat their sheer strength. Possibly one of the most powerful of the demons, the Kyubi, attacked our seven years ago."

"Okaaaaaaaay," Deadpool said, still confused, "but what does that have to do with the brat in there?"

"I was just getting to that," Sarutobi clarified, rubbing the back of his neck, his gaze fixed at the entrance of his office. When Deadpool pocketed his hands and leaned up against the side of the door, the old man continued. "Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, the demon proved too strong to destroy, even with our mightiest shinobi…. Countless lives were lost trying warding off the beast, and nearly half the village was destroyed, leaving many survivors without homes…" Upon remembering the death and devastation of that night, a bead of sweat trickled down the side of the elderly man's face. "However," he continued, brushing the bead of sweat away, "while we weren't able to kill the monster, we were able to accomplish the next best thing…"

Now intrigued, Wade was now standing upright, hands still buried in his pockets but with both eyebrows arched in curiosity. "Which was what, exactly?" Wade asked.

"Thanks to the efforts of Minato Namikaze, my former successor, he was able to seal the beast into the body of his newborn child," Sarutobi answered quietly. "Knowing fully well the beast couldn't be killed, he performed a forbidden jutsu that, at the cost of his and his wife's life, managed to lock the Kyubi away in his own child, ultimately preventing the total destruction of Konohagakure…. That newborn child of his is the same child you saved tonight, and who is currently fast asleep in the room next to you."

 **'…. Woooooooow…'**

 _'Indeed.'_

Scratching the back of his head, Deadpool glanced at the door next to him. "So what you're basically saying is that the kid in there has the spirit of some fox demon in him?" Keeping a stern look about him, Sarutobi solemnly nodded his head. "And I'm going to guess the entire village knows that the spirit of the demon that shit-whipped their village is still quite alive and seal away in said boy, right?"

"Not entirely," Sarutobi corrected. "Immediately following the battle, it was announced that the demon was gone, but not killed. And while Naruto's heritage is known only by a select few, it was revealed that he was, in fact, the one in which the demon was sealed into." Sarutobi's face hardened as he looked down. "Many demanded the child be killed. Others wished to see him sent away to another village… But I made it clear that neither of those demands would be met. I would neither kill or send away the child of the man who gave his life to save our village from total destruction. The boy would live here and that was the end of it. I had also enacted a law that forbids the adults to reveals the boy's _condition_ to their children. That way, at the very least, the boy would be able to befriend children from his own generation."

Deadpool scratched the bottom of his chin. "No offense, but judging by what I've seen tonight, I'm surprised the kid is still alive. Seems like a good chunk of the people here is itching to take a swing at him. Especially since he's been on the streets for two weeks. That would give them all the opportunities they would need." Then, much to Sarutobi's surprise, a large smile formed on Wade's face. "But hey, I guess that's where I come in, right?"

 **'That's where WE come in! WE!'**

' _WE'RE the same person.'_

"…." Needless to say, the old man found Wade's willingness to still help the boy surprising, especially after hearing about Naruto's situation. Admittedly, a part of him was sure he would change him mind after hearing what he had to say. "… Indeed Wilson-san," Sarutobi agreed, a faint smile creeping onto his face. "While I do have some possible living arrangements in mind for the boy, you would act as his personal bodyguard." Against Sarutobi's better judgement, the old man had a question for the red and black clad mercenary. "If you don't mind me saying Wilson-san, you seem quite devil may care about this arrangement of ours. You act as if what I've just revealed to you was an everyday thing for you."

"That's because it is, old man," Deadpool laughed. "I mean, I'm not exactly normal myself, in case you haven't already gathered," he continued, motioning to himself. "Besides, half my buddies back home are 10x weirder than Whiskers in there. Hell, one of my buddies, Johnny, turns into a freaking hellish fiery skeleton biker! He also has major daddy issues, but don't bring them up in front of him or he'll get a little salty. Trust me."

For the fist time that night, Sarutobi let out a chuckle. "I'll try to keep that in mind in case I ever get the chance to meet him," he laughed, folding his arms across his chest. The Hokage than looked up at the man across from him. "But I trust you will look after Naruto-kun," he continued on, focusing back on the matter at hand. "I just need a couple hours to accommodate you two with living arrangements and then we will discuss further business. I hope that's alright with you."

"You don't have to worry about me, bossman," Deadpool reassured. "Besides, that will give me plenty of time to do a little sight-seeing. You guys have co-ed bath-houses, ri-!"

But before Deadpool could finish, the door to his right suddenly opened up. The two men simultaneously turned, revealing a tired, droopy-eyed Naruto standing in the doorway, with both of the Anbu bodyguards standing behind him. The young boy let out a loud yawn as he rubbed his eyes. Deadpool stared down at the boy, who in turn arched his neck to look back up at him. "…. Ummm… Mornin'," Wade said, rather awkwardly.

"… But the sun isn't out yet," Naruto yawned back, rubbing both eyes.

Sarutobi let out another chuckle, the second one that night.

To Be Continued…..

First off, sorry this update took so long to get to you. It was on my computer for weeks, half complete. The main reason because the scene where Sarutobi confides Naruto's secret to Deadpool was leaving me stumped. Seriously, it was a major roadblock for me trying to hash out an acceptable situation where that would work. I didn't want it to be a situation where Sarutobi straight up spills his guts out off the freaking bat like I did in the original story. Even got a little smack-talk for doing so. So, after pondering and pondering, I finally managed to scrap together a somewhat halfway believable situation where it DOESN'T seem too abrupt and sudden…. At least I hope it is alright. Is it alright to you guys? I hope so.

So there you have it. Now Deadpool is a bodyguard of are favorite blonde orphan. Yaaaaaaaay! That means we can let the fun and funnies begin! Though, I feel like I should go ahead and tell you all now that I will be making fundamental changes to this story. I won't tell you what exactly, but just letting you all know I will be throwing in new elements into this rebooted story, just to keep you all even more entertained. :D

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the update. Not entirely sure when the next update will come about, but I can at least say with full confidence that it will come sooner than THIS one did. I feel rather strongly, to be honest. But nevertheless, I hope you found this update worth the wait, and hope to hear from all you loyal readers and reviewers. Until next time!

-Mr. Alaska


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